


Catching Colds on a Flying Rock in the Middle of Space

by NoBrandHero



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meteorstuck, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:07:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoBrandHero/pseuds/NoBrandHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose catches a bad cold and it slowly spreads to the rest of the meteor crew. None of them are particularly good at admitting they're sick, let alone looking after themselves, but at least they're decent at caring for each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sickfics are my guilty pleasure and I couldn't find enough out there already, so... I wrote a new one. This takes place a little after year two on the meteor -- Rose's relationship with Kanaya and booze are both fresh, Dave and Terezi have only recently went their separate ways, no one realizes Terezi isn't blind anymore, etc., etc.
> 
> Warnings: I try not to shy away from realistic cold symptoms, so there may be vomit, snot, and detailed descriptions of killer sore throats. I dunno if that's the sort of thing that bugs anybody, but it's conceivably gross, so have a warning just in case.

Rose woke to a headache and an unsettled stomach. It felt like just another hangover, albeit different than usual, but she supposed it was normal that they changed things up every so often. With a groan, she rolled out of bed and grabbed the hairbrush on her nightstand, trying to make herself look somewhat presentable before leaving the seclusion of her room.

Her balance hadn't returned since last night's drinking and she sometimes had to catch herself against the wall to keep from slipping to her knees as she stumbled to the nearest bathroom. Once safely inside, she hunched over a toilet to wait for the inevitable. Within thirty seconds, her stomach expelled the previous night's remaining contents. There were no solids, but it still burned her throat with each choke and she gripped the edge of the seat tightly, hoping after each shudder that her body was done.

She was too weary to shower after the vomiting came to an end, so she just washed off her hands and face before gargling. The cold water made her shiver and hug her arms, wishing she'd brought a coat or robe to cover the god tier pajamas. She wasn't aware that they had control over the meteor's temperature, but she made note to ask one of the trolls later if they had somehow lowered it. Or, heaven forbid, they were running low on energy and needed to conserve power.

She should have been hungry, her stomach empty long before she'd vomited, but the mere idea of food made her feel queasy. Even water sounded unappetizing, but her sore and raw throat outweighed the nausea.

She made her way to the nearest common area -- taking a transportalizer to the kitchen would just upset her stomach again -- where she knew of a stash of water she normally used for alchemizing spirits. She heard voices inside and she paused a moment to disguise the discomfort on her face.

Half of the room was covered in machinery and computers, the other half remodeled into an entertainment area with bookshelves stuffed with DVDs. Dave sat on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, the TV blaring some mindless action flick he was no doubt enjoying "ironically." He gave her a nod as she passed, but otherwise ignored her as she searched the jumble of alchemy materials.

Water had never tasted so bad and yet felt so relieving. The only reason she didn't swallow an entire gallon in one breath was because she didn't trust her stomach yet.

She poured another glass with intentions to nurse it on the way back to her room, but she barely turned for the door before she felt another wave of nausea threatening to overtake her. Pausing long enough to regain her composure, she instead moved to the couch; better to suffer a poor movie than to suffer throwing up in the hall.

Dave raised a hand in greeting. "Yo."

"Good morning to you too." She settled in next to him and stared at the screen in disturbed fascination. Her stomach was already calming just by getting off her feet. "What are we watching?"

"Snakes on a Train."

She tilted her head and leaned over to place the water on the end table. She didn't see Samuel L. Jackson on the screen, but there was certainly a snake and a train. "I thought it was called Snakes on a Plane?"

"I know what I said."

She raised an eyebrow as a little girl was swallowed whole by a large snake puppet. She faked a gasp. "I am shocked, _shocked_ , that you would enjoy a film full of giant, phallic-shaped puppets. Whenever did you develop this habit?"

His throat made a strained noise in the midst of swallowing popcorn, but he recovered beautifully once there was no half-chewed food to catch him up. "Sometimes they're giant, phallic-shaped shitty CG. That's the real treat of this film. Come for the practical effects, stay for the nonexistent CG budget. And now we've been on this damn rock so long that the letters CG no longer stand for Computer Graphics and instead just make me think of angry gray capslock."

She smirked and grabbed a handful of popcorn; it tasted like warm, salted butter. Food _sounded_ awful, but her stomach twisted in hunger enough that she swallowed the poor excuse for nutrients anyway. "Is this breakfast?"

"Nope." He threw a piece into his mouth. "No fast to break."

She narrowed her eyes. "That's not healthy."

"That's insomnia." When she caught him in her most prying stare, he shrugged, almost squirmed. "I'll sleep tonight. I just gotta take an all-nighter to get tired enough for it first."

"Hmm." She would be sure to guilt him about ignoring such a serious ailment later, when her own body wasn't busy rebelling against her. In the meanwhile, she grabbed another handful of popcorn, slipping it into her mouth piece by piece.

His head turned to follow her movements. "Is this breakfast?" he mimicked.

"Maybe."

He pulled the bowl away from her. "Alchemize your own."

She raised her eyebrows and smiled. "It tastes better stolen." She also really, really didn't fancy getting back on her feet. She meant to lean across him to snatch more popcorn, but the movement sent a wave of dizziness over her and she slumped against his chest.

He stiffened. "Uh, getting a little close there, Lalonde."

She wrapped her arms around him, in part to keep up the farce, in part because he was so warm and she'd forgotten how cold it was until she had his bodyheat for comparison. "You know, despite what your bro may have raised you on, families can be quite touchy-feely without crossing any lines. Your chastity is preserved."

"I'm pretty sure they need to be raised in the same household a few years before two hormonal teenagers can cuddle this close without it getting awkward."

"Why, Dave," she curled up even closer, "are you experiencing discomfort during perfectly normal sibling bonding? Do you mean to imply that your mind goes to sinister places when I embrace you as your sister? Here I thought you were over your incestuous impulses."

He shrank back. "I'll tell your alien girlfriend you were macking on me."

"Speaking of alien girlfriends, how are you and Terezi doing?"

"Hey, you know what I just noticed?" He straightened. "There's a perfectly shitty movie playing right now that we're letting go to waste. That shit ain't green. The political activists will come after us if we don't watch or recycle it and I don't see any recycling bins handy."

She closed her eyes. The screen was starting to give her a headache. "We wouldn't want to be wasteful."

"Exactly." He wriggled a little, but gave up on shaking her off in favor of ignoring her.

She probably could have fallen asleep like that, except that her back was chilled and she had enough pride not to ask Dave to return her embrace. She kept her eyes shut all the same and most of the movie's dialogue turned to gibberish when it reached her ears.

She startled from her half-unconscious state at the sound of the door opening. She knew it was Karkat without even looking -- no one else had such heavy footfalls.

"Hey, Vantas," Dave said. "Movie's almost over, but we can put Transmorphers on next if you want to join in on the quality entertainment taking place here."

"I'd rather fry up my own toenails than watch one of your shitass movies." Karkat's voice was close enough that he must have stopped by the couch. "What's wrong with her?"

Dave shrugged. "She's trying to seduce me."

"By looking like shit?"

She opened her eyes to glower but the light from the television burned too much to try for long.

"That's low even coming from you, dude." Dave shifted under her. There was a long pause. "Rose, you okay? You actually look like shit."

"It's just a hangover," she murmured. "It will calm down once the water kicks in."

A hand clasped over her forehead. She glanced up; Dave was holding his other hand to his own forehead for comparison. His brow furrowed. "You're burning up."

She managed a smirk. "Lalondes have _dreadful_ hangovers."

He dropped his hand. "Holy fuck, are you _sick_?"

She started to shake her head automatically until the words sank in. Nausea, loss of appetite, sore throat, dizziness, and exhaustion packaged in a fever really did sound more like an illness than a hangover. "It... is not impossible."

"You've gotta be shitting me. We're _immortals_ and we somehow still catch colds. We somehow catch colds on a flying rock in the middle of space." Dave leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "We have just one-upped every cold that you catch during summer vacation. And what did _you_ do over break, Strider? Well, ma'am, I was busy puking my brains out. In July, Strider? Yes, ma'am, God fucking hates me."

She tried to straighten, but it just made her head swim and she almost fell off the couch. Dave caught her and even Karkat moved forward as if he might have made a dive for her if she was in danger of slamming her head against the floor.

"Is... is this normal?" Karkat inched closer, his eyes wide. "Should you be touching her?"

Dave pulled her into a normal sitting position. "Little late to worry about that."

"Should I get Kanaya?" Karkat's gaze flickered to the door. "I should get Kanaya. Why the fuck didn't any of us study medicine these last two useless as shit years?"

"Relax, dude, it's a cold. Flu at worst. She just needs to rest and get this crap out of her system." Dave rubbed her back and stood, holding a hand out to her. "Can you stand?"

All the weakness of the morning was slamming into her with fifty times its earlier force, but she forced a small nod. She stumbled to her feet, clinging desperately to Dave's sleeve. Forgetting the movie entirely, Dave led her towards the hall. Karkat gave them a wide berth and watched after them with more concern than Rose could remember seeing on him in recent memory.

The hall was even colder than the common room had been. She could only hold back so many violent shivers before she finally leaned in close against Dave.

He paused. "Are you pulling another Freud moment to psychoanalyze me with later, or are you legit looking for comfort here?"

She swallowed and kept her voice at a whisper. "This may be a moment of weakness in which I push aside my pride in order to steal your bodyheat for my own comfort."

He wrapped his arms around her. "Okay then."

It took a full ten minutes to make the short trek back to her room with their arms wrapped around each other, but at least she was warm and relatively not dizzy.

Dave stood by the door as she burrowed into the warmth of her bed, waiting with his arms crossed until she was completely settled in before he spoke. "Do you need anything?"

Unfair answers flickered through her mind -- a jacuzzi, a gallon of vodka, a healthy new body -- but she settled on, "Privacy."

He nodded and tapped the side of his shades. "Well, I'm online if you need me later, okay?"

She mumbled something, not even sure of her own words and fairly certain she was spouting gibberish as she buried her face in a pillow. She felt one last pat on her head before exhaustion closed in on her.


	2. Chapter 2

The meteor was freezing. It was freeze your balls off cold. It was Antarctica in the middle of December at midnight during a blizzard. The god PJs usually kept him at the perfect temperature -- light enough to breathe, thick enough to block a breeze -- but Dave pulled his blankets closer and up over his chin when he woke. He still shivered.

His eyelids felt heavy, as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep, even though he could sense he'd been asleep for six hours and fifty-six minutes -- far longer than usual. He rubbed at his eyes to fight off the guck engulfing them, but it didn't help. He swallowed and a sharp pain erupted over his throat. He set a hand against his forehead; it was too warm.

Oh hell no he had not just caught Rose's cold.

He clenched his eyes shut. So maybe his immune system was shot from a shitty sleep schedule. He could still catch up and kick the cold off while it was fresh. If he could just pass out again.

With nothing to distract him other than the thoughts _Go back to sleep, go back to sleep, oh for fuck's sake stop concentrating and just go to sleep already_ , it was too easy to notice the tickle that grew in his throat and turned into a constant scratching, ripping into the back of his mouth until it felt like he should be bleeding. Being parched didn't help. His stomach also ached for substance, until the desire for food and water overwhelmed every thought that had been pushing for rest.

If it wouldn't have hurt so much, he'd have groaned. As it was, he adjusted the blanket so it was tucked around his shoulders and pushed off the bed.

His head swam and he grabbed the mattress to keep from stumbling. He caught his breath through his mouth -- god _damn_ it, his nose was clogging -- before he dared to take a step away. Not completely steady on his feet, he dragged his sorry excuse of a body out of his room, peering around the corner before he stepped into the hall. He hadn't walked three yards before he missed his warm mattress. He pulled the blanket even closer, for as little good as it did.

It wasn't that long of a trek to the kitchens -- more of a walk than his apartment back in Houston could provide, but still only the equivalent of a block at most -- but it felt like a mile with his energy drained. The triumph of finally reaching the transportalizer was short lived, as the jolt from one location to another threw his sick body for a loop. No sooner had he transportalized into the kitchen, his vision swam and he fell on his face.

The dead silence that followed his crash was beautiful. It meant no one was there to see it.

He tried to stand, but the dizziness hadn't faded and it hurt too much to even climb to his knees. He lay helpless on the cold metal floor, shivering and cursing under his breath. With a cringe, he managed to crawl to the nearest table and collapse under it. It was less exposed than the middle of the room, at least. He wrapped up in the blanket, propped an arm under his head like a pillow, and waited for the ache in his head to subside. It didn't.

Why the hell did he search out water? He'd lost his warm spot on the bed and wasn't even hydrated for his troubles. His throat throbbed again and he held off on swallowing until his nose plugged up too much and he had to take a painful gulp of air through his mouth.

He heard the unmistakeable whoosh of the transportalizer activating again and his stomach turned. He pulled the blanket higher as if he would be harder to spot if his face was hidden. What if it was Rose? The last thing he needed was his ectosis cooing over his vulnerable state. Or, oh god, Terezi would have a field day. He scrunched his eyes shut as he heard footsteps approach and he prayed it wasn't Rose or Terezi. Or Kanaya, for that matter. Or, oh fucking hell, the murderclown out of hibernation.

Who the hell was he kidding? There wasn't a single person on the meteor that he wanted to see him like this.

"What the fuck, Strider."

Least of all Karkat. _Fuck._

"Sup."

"Why are you napping on the floor?" Karkat knelt next to the table and rested his arms on his knees as he stared at Dave.

"You got a problem with my ironic as fuck campsite?" Dave cleared his throat and a new tickle inside his mouth made him stiffen. He tried to swallow the cough. "It just needs a tablecloth to complete the shitty tent illusion."

"The bullshit detector has just exploded from overexertion. You fucking broke it, Dave. We'll have to get a new one now."

The pressure in his throat grew. "Don't blame me when you clearly weren't using it right. You can't hold it towards-" He choked on the last word as the coughing forced itself out. He couldn't breathe as air tore out of his lungs in searing hacks. He kept cringing even after the fit calmed into soft gasps. Fuuuuck, that hurt.

Karkat recoiled, his eyes wide, but he inched back when Dave stopped coughing. "You're infected like Rose, aren't you?"

"I'm fucking peachy," Dave said, but his voice was raw and raspy. "Leave my campsite before I call the forest ranger."

"Fuck you." Karkat stood with a growl. "And stop spreading your gross human germs around the common areas."

Dave almost didn't respond as he watched Karkat turn away, but the scratching at the back of his throat made him mumble, "Vantas?"

Karkat ducked down again to glare at Dave. "What?"

Pride almost made him say, "Fuck you too," but misery and dizziness overrode his common sense and instead he said, "Could you grab me a water?"

Karkat snarled and straightened out of sight. "You're such an unbelievable, irresponsible, lazy shitstain."

Dave held back a sigh. It was worth a shot.

He weighed the pros and cons of crawling out of his hiding spot, but he could barely raise his head six inches before his vision swam. Dying of dehydration and a killer sore throat was a pretty lousy way to go, but death by head injury after a failed attempt to get on his feet didn't sound any better.

He sniffed, pulled the blanket closer, and made a point to stop swallowing forever or until the rawness in his throat went away, whichever came first.

Just as he was about to drift off, he was startled awake by a damp thud next to his head. A clear bottle of water sat inches in front of his face, the contents still shaking from a rough landing. He saw a monochrome blur stomp away, but Karkat had transportalized to the hall before his tired mind could piece together what had happened.

He spilled more water than he drank, but just one merciful mouthful was enough to calm his throat for the two minutes it took for his exhaustion to knock him unconscious.

* * *

The raw pain was back with a vengeance, accompanied by muscle soreness everywhere that his body pressed against the floor, when he was ever-so-rudely awoken three hours and eleven minutes later. He entertained the notion of playing dead until whoever was shaking him left, but gave up as soon as he realized it was Karkat and there was no playing "who's the most stubborn asshole" with that guy. Besides, he couldn't spill more water into his mouth if he was pretending to be asleep.

"The hell do you want?" he said and, to his great frustration, found that his voice was too raw to play it cool.

Karkat glared. "You haven't moved in hours."

Dave almost choked as he poured water down his throat while lying on his side. The liquid brought only a momentary relief of a few seconds. "That was kinda the point."

Karkat snatched the water away. "Go back to your respite block. This isn't cute anymore."

Dave managed a lopsided smirk. "You thought I was cute?"

"You're a fucking eyesore."

"The phrase you're looking for is a sight for sore eyes."

Karkat grabbed Dave's arm and dragged him out from under his shelter. "The phrase I'm looking for is get off your ass so I can escort you to quarantine."

Dave didn't dare object -- free trip back to his room, _hell yes_ \-- but he stayed limp until Karkat pulled him to his feet. To his relief, even though most of his symptoms hadn't toned down yet, the nap must have done enough that he could stand without collapsing.

Once Dave's legs held their own weight, Karkat led him by the sleeve to the transportalizer before releasing him so he could go first. For a moment, Dave worried he couldn't make it without support, but his legs were only shaky, not hopeless. He stumbled onto the transportalizer, felt the energy rush over him, and then-

"-ider, wake the fuck up! _Dave_!"

He was sprawled on the floor in the middle of the hallway with no memory of falling. Karkat leaned over him with a panicked expression, his hand shaking Dave's shoulder.

"Hey," Dave said, his groggy mind unable to formulate anything close to snarky for once.

" _Fuck_. Don't scare me like that, you stupid..." Karkat shook his head and stood. "C'mon, get up." He offered a hand.

Dave shut his eyes. Even when he was still, his head spun and ached. "Not happening."

"You can lean on me this time, jackass."

"Yeah, that's still not happening."

Karkat let out an aggravated huff. To Dave's horror, he felt arms slip under his legs and back, lifting him completely off the floor. Worse, Dave had to wrap his arms around Karkat's back, eyes clenched shut, to steady himself and fight off the blaring pain in his head that accompanied every inch Karkat moved him. He rested his chin against Karkat's shoulder and tried not to think about how pathetic he felt to be carried like some kind of child. Karkat didn't even seem fazed by the weight as he walked down the hall.

In any other situation, Dave would fake swoon over Karkat acting as his knight in shining armor, just to see the reaction, but he was too out of it and, if he was being honest, humiliated. Even being carried, every step they took, every jolt of one foot leaving the ground as the other set down, felt like an icepick stabbing his brain through his eyes.

The worst part was definitely how _warm_ Karkat felt compared to the air that sent shivers across every inch of his body. It was hard not to huddle against that warmth; he wanted to press his forehead against Karkat's neck and curl up in his arms like a fucking toddler.

"Just leave me to die," he said with an exaggerated groan.

"Hell no."

Dave dared to open his eyes and watch the hall over Karkat's shoulder. He clung to the relief that at least there weren't other witnesses.

His stomach twisted and it only took him a second to realize what was coming. "Let go," he said, returning his voice to normal deadpan. He didn't have to raise his voice much, with his face so close to Karkat's ear.

Karkat sighed. "You're not sleeping in the fucking hall, Strider."

"Seriously, dude. Put me down."

"You already had your chance to walk on your own and save your last shred of dignity. Too late, dignity gone, you'll just have to live with that."

"You're not gonna like it if you don't let go of me, that's all I'm saying."

"Is that a threat?" Karkat scoffed. "You really are delirious if you think you're intimidating any-"

Dave could only keep his stomach restrained for so long. His throat spasmed and he couldn't hold his mouth shut. With a shudder, he threw up all over the back of Karkat's shirt.

Karkat froze, even his voice lost in shock. His grip simultaneously tightened and shivered. "Did you just _vomit_ on me?"

"I warned you, bro."

Dave had to at least give him credit for not dropping him right there and storming off. "What the everloving _fuck_ was that for?"

"Vomit is a sign of affection in human culture. We're engaged now."

"Fuck you. Fuck you and your culture and all your stupid made-up shiYAAGH!" he yelled as Dave's stomach decided it wasn't done expelling its contents. "Will you _quit it_?"

Dave swallowed the leftover stomach acid and held back a grimace. "Yeah, this is definitely a thing I can control."

"This is what I get for helping your pathetic, useless ass? Do all humans show gratitude by flinging around bodily fluids or are you stupid even by your species' standards?"

"You know how many people would kill to touch legit Strider barf? You should be- Shit. Sorry," he said as he felt another surge of half-digested water making its way up his throat. He tried to raise his head enough that he'd miss Karkat's back this time and let the vomit land on the floor behind him, but even that much movement was more than he could handle. At least the shirt was already ruined. Not that Karkat's yell of disgust acknowledged that.

"Are you _done yet_?"

"Might be," Dave said and wiped his chin against Karkat's shoulder. His stomach no longer felt like it was trying to implode on itself, at least.

Karkat growled as he resumed walking. "You are _the_ most disgusting, unhygienic shitrag on this damn meteor. You just outdid the guy who lives in the _vents_. At least he's never had the gall to barf on someone like a stupid wiggler." He spewed similar insults the rest of the short trip through the halls. Dave's throat hurt too much to egg him on, but he never ran out of material anyway.

Dave half-expected Karkat to dump him on the floor as soon as they reached his room, but Karkat wasn't even all that rough when laying him on his bed. He shoved the blankets up to Dave's neck and reached for his face.

"Take these damn things off before you hurt yourself like a-" Karkat's fingers caught the sides of Dave's shades, but that's as far as they got.

Dave arm shot out, smacking a fist straight into Karkat's face. Karkat stumbled back, holding a hand over the injured cheek, while Dave let out an internal _whoops_.

"Bulgelicking piece of _shit_." Karkat examined his fingers, probably checking for blood. The impact hadn't broken skin, but a bruise was on its way already. "You can't move your pathetic carcass five feet, oh no, but attacking an innocent bystander, _that_ you suddenly have energy for."

"Uh... Instincts acted up there." Dave slipped the shades off and tried not to cringe at the sensation. He'd slept with them on for years, but he removed them anyway in hopes that Karkat would see it as a peace offering. "Sorry," he said, intentionally and completely sincere. He even dropped his poker face long enough to let Karkat see him look sheepish.

Karkat's eyes widened a little at the sight of Dave's uncovered face, then he scoffed. "Whatever." He turned away. "I have to go incinerate this shirt."

Dave nodded. His stomach lurched again, enough to make him nervous. "Do a bro one last favor?"

"What?" Karkat snapped.

"Bring me a bucket or something?"

Karkat froze. He made the most horrified expression and spluttered as his face turned red. "Wh- wai- fu-fuck, _what_ -"

Right. Troll taboos. "To puke in, you prude. Unless you'd rather I decorate the halls in a lively color of stomach bile in my failed attempt to reach the toilet in time. But I gotta warn you, I don't think I have enough to cover the whole thing, so it's only going to be half painted."

Karkat calmed himself, but he hadn't fought off the awkward blush yet. "You could be bleeding out from the throat and you'd still just make a smartass comment."

Dave forced a smirk. "It's why you love me, don't deny it."

Karkat shot him a glare and stomped out of the room.

Dave sighed and pulled the blankets tighter. Maybe he wouldn't even need a bucket. That thought had barely formulated when his stomach clenched up. He tried not to think about it, tried to fall asleep before he could threaten to vomit again, but it was fast becoming a losing battle. He needed to leap out of bed and run to the nearest bathroom, but he probably wouldn't make it even if he had the energy to try.

He sat up, because at least throwing up on the floor was better than ruining the bed, but felt too dizzy to push off the mattress.

The door opened and a metal object soared in, slamming against the opposite wall with a wince-inducing clatter. The bucket rolled close enough that Dave could reach out and grab it from the bed. Just in time.

"Thanks dude."

" _FUCK YOU_ , you culturally insensitive nookstain!" Karkat shouted from the hall.

"Right, got it, owe you for..." He thought he could finish the thought, but he choked on stomach acid as another wave of nausea sent him hunching over the bucket. It sounded awful, felt worse, and smelled worst of all. "...f-for life." His voice turned strained. Fuck, he was tired.

Karkat stood in the doorway and peered in. "I'm not going to find you dead tomorrow, right?" His voice was gruff, as if he was trying to sound like he only cared about funeral expenses, but his face betrayed that he was actually worried.

Dave spat into the bucket to rid his mouth of the last of the vomit. "Nah, just gonna be out of commission for a day or two." His entire body lurched, as if taunting him: _haha, just kidding, you're not done yet_. He threw up again. "If the dehydration doesn't get me, anyway," he said, beginning to pant.

Karkat nodded, the worry not gone, and slipped back into the hall, closing the door after him.

Dave waited another thirty seconds before he dared assume it was safe to set the bucket down -- right at the edge of the bed, where he could grab it if he needed it. He burrowed under his covers, closed his eyes, and was asleep in moments.

He didn't wake again for a glorious, nightmareless seven hours and thirty-eight minutes. He still felt like shit, but his head didn't spin when he dared to move and his throat wasn't killing him. He even felt warmer, though he was sure his fever wasn't better. He rolled onto his side.

There were at least half a dozen extra blankets piled on top of him and three full bottles of water sitting within reach. He raised himself to grab one and jumped as he realized he wasn't alone. Karkat sat a few feet away from him in an unfamiliar chair -- where the fuck did that even come from -- reading one of his smutty-looking troll romance novels. He raised his eyes, as if sensing that Dave was awake, and they met gazes for a moment.

"Were you watching me sleep?" Dave said, his voice a croak.

"No. I was fucking reading." Karkat hesitated. "You okay?"

Dave nodded, sipping on the water. He almost sounded normal when he said, "Yeah."

"Good." Karkat returned to his book as if nothing had happened.

Dave slipped back under the covers and held back a laugh. Dear god, that was a lot of passive-aggressive pampering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I follow the headcanon that trolls are stronger/heavier than humans and so Karkat could carry Dave with no problem.
> 
> Back to Rose next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose's cold didn't even have the decency of being a 24-hour bug. She felt just as miserable the following day (for as much as "days" existed on the meteor) as she'd felt while watching Dave's terrible movie.

She huddled under her blankets, but for all her exhaustion she wasn't actually _sleepy_ anymore. Her stomach hurt, her throat hurt, her eyes hurt... She was fairly certain that if she could name the body part, it hurt. The pain did nothing to help her attempts to sleep it off.

When she'd been ill in the past, her mother had doted on her as if she was on her deathbed. She made Rose stay home from school for even the sniffles and sent her straight to the doctor if her fever hit one hundred or higher. She had the finest chicken noodle soup money could buy delivered and coated Rose in their softest blankets, never leaving her side if the trip wasn't related to fetching more cough syrup.

Back then, Rose had written off such behavior as another ploy to one-up her -- however sick she could get, her mother could coddle her harder. As of late, she wasn't sure if her mother really might have just cared that much.

The worst part was how much she missed the attention, whatever the motivations behind it. She missed warm blankets heaped on top of her before she even knew she was cold and she missed expensive health food store popsicles specially engineered to taste bad and hydrate fast. She missed having someone to look after her when she feared falling if she dared slip out of bed.

Which left only one option, really.

She sat up and pulled out her laptop. She cringed at the backlight but logged into Pesterchum all the same, fighting off the nausea long enough to type a message.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--

TT: Dave?  
\-- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! --

Of course he was. The one time she was actually craving his brotherly companionship and he was asleep -- or not wearing his shades for once in his life, but she filed that thought away under "impossible." At least that meant she could shut her laptop instead of typing out a longer message on that headache-inducing screen.

She didn't even bother captchaloguing it again and just let it slip to the floor with a slightly worrisome smack. She could deal with any damage she'd caused whenever her nose stopped plugging up. For the time being, she was going to curl under as many blankets as she could reach and pretend the rest of the universe could survive without her watchful eye.

She was only allowed a few minutes of painful solitude before there was a knock at the door. She peered at it suspiciously, not sure her mind wasn't playing tricks with her, but the knocks started up again after another moment, clear and steady.

With a stumble, she forced herself out of bed and ran a hand over her hair in a weak attempt to bring it to a presentable state. She clung to the faint hope that the knocks were Dave back to check on her, but even in her illness-induced stupor she knew that was unlikely -- his knock was more distinct, for one.

As the door opened on Kanaya, Rose could have leapt back under the blankets and died of humiliation; or she could have if she trusted her feet to carry her that far. Instead she opted to straighten up and fight to keep any pain out of her expression.

Kanaya's eyes widened as she caught sight of Rose. "Oh. Hello. I see you have dressed down today. Not that I mind, of course, I just have not adjusted to proper etiquette for these things."

"I apologize." Rose managed a bitter smile. "I've not had much energy to devote to personal hygiene."

"Are you still human sick? Karkat warned me you needed quarantined but I thought perhaps he might have exaggerated."

"Mm." Rose's attempt to breathe normally only resulted in an unpleasant snorting sound and she had to switch to her mouth. "He may be right, for once."

"I see." Kanaya frowned. "That would explain why you were late for our date again."

Rose blinked wearily, the words taking a moment to sink in. She straightened. "Oh! Oh _fuck_ , we were- What time is- I can be ready in two minutes, just-" She made to spin around and search for a hairbrush but her body rebelled by threatening to sprawl her on the floor; it would have, if Kanaya hadn't stepped up to catch her by the arm.

"Please do not harm yourself for my sake." She adjusted her hold to prop Rose up. "I did not intend for an accusatory tone, if that troubles you."

"But I keep fucking this up-" Rose was almost grateful for the coughs that overtook her voice. She'd been on the verge of whining and that was one embarrassment she'd prefer to avoid on top of everything else.

"Well." Kanaya slid her arm around Rose's waist and led her back towards the bed. "The last time you did not seem entirely aware of yourself, so I suppose it could not be helped. And I wouldn't dream of blaming you for missing a prior engagement when you are human sick."

Rose tried not to lean into Kanaya, but her legs felt so tired and her head hurt and if she were honest with herself she really wished Kanaya would go so far as to carry her. She settled for Kanaya's arms wrapped protectively around her, increasing their grip whenever she stumbled.

"We can always spend our time together here, if it doesn't make you uncomfortable." Kanaya helped her settle back into bed, then sat on the edge of the mattress and watched Rose as she pulled the blankets around herself again. "How does one treat human sickness?"

"I'm afraid this is probably the kind we just have to wait out." Rose shivered and pulled the blankets up to her chin. "We can treat the symptoms, but mostly colds just need rest and liquid."

Kanaya furrowed her brow. "And how would one go about treating the symptoms?"

"Tea for sore throats, ginger for upset stomachs, lozenges for coughs, ibuprofen for headaches... Nothing we have recently alchemized, unfortunately," Rose added as Kanaya's expression grew more confused.

Kanaya grabbed a husktop from her sylladex. "I will ask Dave about these things." She typed something short, then blinked right after she hit enter. "Oh. He appears to be preoccupied, but I left a message for when he returns."

"For a Knight of Time, he has terrible timing, doesn't he?" Rose tried to smile but was overtaken by a shudder as the blankets failed their basic purpose. Given a couple of minutes to soak in her body heat and pass it back to her, she'd surely be warm eventually, but in the meantime it was all she could do not to let her teeth chatter.

Kanaya frowned. "Are you still cold?"

"With the number of blankets I've procured and the lack of results from burying myself beneath them, I suspect my temperature is through the roof."

Kanaya climbed onto the bed properly. "Do you mind?" she asked and waited for Rose to shake her head before she lay next to Rose.

It was startling how warm an alien vampire could be. They had of course shared personal space in the past, but just kisses, an embrace here and there, or hand holding, never anything like cuddling on a bed. It felt more intimate than Rose was expecting.

She curled in as close to Kanaya as her dignity would let her. "Do trolls catch the flu?"

"On rare occasions, we contract mild versions of your symptoms, but nothing that would require bed rest. Anything worse than that usually carries a much higher risk than your human colds."

Rose nodded. "I've often wondered at the number of diseases humans contract on a yearly basis, while my cat never even suffered from the sniffles. What a dreadful species to be sometimes." She spoke through another set of coughs. "I'll have to guilt Karkat for this injustice later."

Kanaya's brows raised in concern. "It occurs to me that there might be a better time to discuss this. Such as when you are not struggling to breathe."

Rose managed a smirk. "It's not the most romantic topic to bring up on a date either, but I see your point."

Kanaya slid an arm around Rose's shoulders and Rose melted into the touch. "Rest. We'll worry about future date conversations when you are better."

There was nothing to gain from acting tough; Rose closed her eyes without an argument. She still refused to lean her weight on Kanaya, however, in case she wanted to leave after Rose fell asleep.

It only took a few minutes before the mix of Kanaya's body heat and the blankets fought off the cold that had surrounded her, but every other symptom hammered at her without pause. The worst part was, no matter how tightly she squeezed her eyes shut, she couldn't even begin to doze off.

Oh. Of course. The insomnia.

In some ways, Kanaya's presence just made it worse, because at least when Rose had the mercy of seclusion she could groan and whine into her pillow after the scratching in her throat grew beyond bearable levels. As it was, she was just as miserable as before but also had to fight the impulse to react to it.

She gave up even pretending she could sleep and opened her eyes to glance at Kanaya.

Kanaya was studying the ceiling, looking more relaxed than bored. What did she get out of staying by Rose's side anyway? Would she hold this over her in the future, to push a favor perhaps? No, Kanaya was too straight-forward for such passive tactics. Perhaps this wasn't a moment worth analyzing beyond the surface.

Kanaya must have sensed Rose's slight movement, as her gaze turned down. "Rose? Don't you need sleep?"

"I can't," Rose said, voice quiet. She wriggled into a sitting position, careful to keep the blankets wrapped around her shoulders, and leaned against the headboard in hopes the elevation would fight off the headache threatening to overwhelm her.

Kanaya frowned. "Would this make you feel better at all?" She glowed in pure white light.

Rose cringed, tried to tolerate it for a moment, then covered her eyes when she began to ache. "I hate to say it, but that really hurts my head right now." The light grew dim beyond her fingers and she dared to lower her hands again.

"You really aren't feeling well," Kanaya murmured and squeezed Rose's shoulder.

Rose's throat seized. She slapped both hands over her mouth, moving them only enough to choke out, "G-garbage bag..."

Kanaya gave her a startled look. "I'm sorry?"

Her stomach lurched. "Quickly, please!"

Kanaya caught the nearby wastebasket and pulled the plastic lining out. Rose snatched it with both hands just in time to hunch over it as bitter stomach acid traveled up her neck. It felt nothing like the vomit after a bad night of drinking; it chipped at her energy and ripped at her throat until she wanted to just lie on the floor and let the half-digested remnants fall where they may.

Warm hands slid around her face and swept her bangs back. The back of Kanaya's fingers rested on her temples and she leaned into them a little.

"I'm sorry," Rose whispered between spasms and regretfully tried to shake Kanaya's hands away. "I didn't mean to drag you into this disgusting mess. I'm perfectly capable of handling myself."

Kanaya just caught her bangs again, sweeping them up so lightly that she didn't yank a single strand. "I am more than happy to hold your hair back as you engage in releasing your stomach contents whenever you might need me."

Rose was caught up in another round of releasing stomach contents and her voice was weak when she could finally reply. "Hopefully I won't have to take you up on that offer more than this once." She managed a small smile. "But thank you."

Kanaya nodded and kept her hands against Rose until the vomiting ceased. Without even needing asked, she tucked Rose back under the blankets, placed the bag into its wastebasket (it really needed tossed and replaced with a fresh lining to prevent stench, but the chances that the second one would soon share a similar fate stopped Rose from commenting), and softly told Rose that she was going to fetch her water.

Rose felt weak enough in the few minutes that she was alone that she thought she might manage a nap, but she wasn't so fortunate and spent the time studying the ceiling -- it really wasn't that interesting; she didn't know how it had taken Kanaya's attention.

"What else can I do to help ease this?" Kanaya asked after she returned, handing Rose a bottle of water.

Rose sipped at it a moment -- it tasted disgusting and _cold_ , but her throat adored every drop of it -- before answering, "You've done far more than enough, Kanaya."

Kanaya set a hand on Rose's shoulder. "You act as if I ask insincerely and am not invested in your well being. I realize I could leave you to recover on your own, Rose, but that is dodging my question: What can I do that would help you feel better?"

Rose swallowed -- _ow_ \-- and kept her gaze locked with Kanaya's, searching for a nonexistent hidden meaning behind her offer. "I get too dizzy to read," she mumbled, trying not to blush.

Kanaya looked a little startled. "And being read to would help?"

"I suspect it would take my mind off the lesser symptoms, at least." Rose set the water bottle on a nightstand and quickly slipped her arm back into the warmth and safety of the blankets.

"What shall I read you then?" Kanaya said softly.

"Um, I'm in the middle of the one sitting out on the shelf... with the bookmark..."

Kanaya found the book with just a quick scan of the room. She picked it up and glanced at the cover, which portrayed two swooning trolls partaking in a forbidden romance. "Isn't this one of Karkat's?"

"I've been borrowing from his library." Rose shrugged and tried not to cringe from a new bout of dizziness. "I'm too impatient to wait for him to corner Dave into another round of storytime."

Kanaya nodded, glancing at the back synopsis as she returned to the bed. She lay next to rose, close enough to share body heat, and rested her back against the headboard before opening the book. "As Ezanor wound around Prelin and placed her fingers against the-" She paused, her eyes widening. Her cheeks turned jade as her eyes scanned over the rest of the page. "Oh my." She cleared her throat and looked about ready to plow through despite the raunchy scene about to enfold, but Rose set a hand over her wrist.

"Let's start from the beginning," she said. "This scene won't be any fun if you aren't already invested in the characters."

Kanaya relaxed and nodded, slipping the book shut and opening it again on the first page. Her blush faded as she started reading anew. The first few chapters were fresh on Rose's memory, but she didn't mind; she could still let the words invade her every thought until the aches and indignities of the illness were exiled to the back of her mind.

And, if she were being honest, there were times she suspected she might have gotten the translation wrong and so it was a relief to have a troll narrate. (It was really nice listening to Kanaya's voice narrate.)

They made it through three and a half chapters before a soft chime sounded from Kanaya's sylladex.

"Let me make sure it's not important." Kanaya set the book aside, its bookmark snuggled against their page, and retrieved her husktop. After a moment staring at the screen, her mouth twitched. "Karkat informs me that Dave has succumbed to an ailment quite similar in symptoms to your own."

Rose sighed. "And here I am, too ill to bask in his misery."

"I'm sure Karkat is basking enough for the both of you." Kanaya captchalogued the husktop and slid back to snuggle close against Rose.

"I suppose that means this flu is contagious." Rose went limp, unwilling to be so self-centered as to cling, but selfish enough she couldn't move away either. "You should probably leave me and drink up on vitamin C before I infect you as well."

"I am far more concerned with keeping an eye on you." Kanaya wrapped an arm around Rose's shoulders and pulled her closer, smiling softly as she reached for the book again. "But if it makes you feel better, this human flu probably isn't contagious to trolls anyway."

Rose was too content to argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this chapter's lateness! I've had such fun adventures as visiting family, hurting my wrist, and running straight into writer's block to keep my productivity level at an embarrassing low. (Okay, I lie, only one of those was fun.) Sorry, I'll try to write faster.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I'd wanted to swap the POV between Rose and Dave each chapter, but I realized it really flows best to give Rose two chapters in a row, then pass the last two over to Dave. So this is the final Rosemary-focused chapter and Davekat will take over after this.

The flu was incredibly contagious to trolls.

In many ways, it hit the trolls harder than the humans. At least humans were used to taking bed rest a few days of the year for a pesky cold, but the concept was nearly foreign to trolls; foreign to the point that Rose discovered they tried to soldier on even when horribly ill.

Rose wasn't even at full recovery yet. Her nose still plugged up far too often and she sometimes broke into fits of coughing, but the worst symptoms were in the past; she could use a laptop without headache and walk around without nausea.

It was on her first journey outside of her room since getting sick that she found Kanaya wandering the common area in a daze, her face somehow even paler than usual. Kanaya hadn't left Rose alone for more than a few hours at a time, but she'd been gone at least half a day. Rose didn't mind per se -- she could look after herself and she didn't _need_ to cuddle for warmth anymore (though she couldn't say with utmost certainty that she would deny the offer) -- but it had struck her as odd and somehow she wasn't surprised to note that Kanaya was shivering.

"Kanaya?" she said when Kanaya failed to notice her.

Kanaya jumped. "Rose? Did I lose track of time?" She glanced around as if expecting to find a clock, looking a little lost. "Did you need me to bring you anything? I can fetch more soup, if you want to return to your respite block."

Rose smiled as she wandered closer. "Thank you, but I've recovered enough I'm quite capable of looking after myself." Her brow furrowed. "Are _you_ feeling well?"

Kanaya returned the smile and waved her off. "I'm fine."

It took most of Rose's self-control not to raise an eyebrow. "Is there a particular reason for your shivering, then?"

"Oh, you haven't noticed? It appears there's something wrong with the heat." Kanaya frowned and wandered to the nearest computer station, scrolling through lengthy text status reports of the facility. "I could have sworn it would be obvious to humans, but I suppose your planet is overall much colder than Alternia."

Rose followed her and glanced over her shoulder, but most of the text was in Alternian and she wasn't a fast enough reader to catch much of it yet. "I don't think the temperature has changed since we boarded."

"The computers agree with that assessment, but an error on their part may be the cause of this sudden lack of heat." Kanaya cringed the longer she stared at the monitor. She had to shake her head a little before continuing to read. "We really should have considered whether these labs were meant to be used regularly for three straight human years."

"I believe I can narrow down the problem."

"Could you? I'm still a little unsure around computers." Kanaya moved her chair over, giving Rose room to reach the monitor, but Rose didn't move.

"You're sick."

Kanaya's eyes widened a little. "Rose, trolls aren't susceptible to these human colds."

Rose frowned as she glanced Kanaya over again, but her assessment didn't change: Kanaya looked like a tired, shivering wreck. "It must have mutated to some degree, to sneak past the immune system of a different species, but you're definitely exhibiting symptoms."

Kanaya frowned. "Are you quite sure you've recovered? You seem to be jumping to strange conclusions."

Rose sat on the counter and slid in front of Kanaya, staring her straight in the eyes. "How well can you breathe through your nose?"

Kanaya met Rose's gaze and spoke evenly. "I've been using more tissues than usual, but my breathing is fine."

"Are you dizzy and unusually tired?"

"A bit, but-"

"Do you feel nauseated if you move too quickly?"

Kanaya hesitated and finally dropped her gaze. "My stomach gets queasy when I haven't taken blood in too long-"

Rose went in for the kill. "Your throat hurts."

Kanaya cringed. "I'm sure it won't last."

Rose slipped a hand over Kanaya's forehead. "You're feverish, you know."

"I'll be fine," Kanaya said, but she leaned into the touch, eyelids drooping. "I have things to take care of."

"If you don't take care of _yourself_ , you're just going to pass this on to everyone else. Karkat, Terezi, and the mayor will be sick and you'll be too weak to look after them." Rose narrowed her eyes. "Do you want to risk my brother taking over that duty? I'll warn you, Nurse Strider is a rather horrifying sight."

Kanaya considered this for a moment before admitting, "Karkat _has_ been coughing a great deal."

Rose slipped off the counter and offered Kanaya a hand. After a moment's hesitation, Kanaya slid her fingers over Rose's, their palms clasping together, and let Rose lead her back to her room. Rose could tell she was struggling to stand tall, but she did a better job of staying on her feet than Rose did when in similar condition. Rose kept her hand tight around Kanaya's and watched for any sign that she needed to prop her up.

By the time they reached Kanaya's room, Kanaya had given up on proper posture and let her shoulders droop, her face contracted in a constant, tired wince. She didn't even try to protest when Rose took her straight to the couch to lie down.

"There's really no cure for this?" Kanaya said, her voice quiet.

Rose sat on the edge of the couch, stroking up and down Kanaya's shoulders. "Only time, but rest and fluids help."

Kanaya shuddered. "You've been through this often?"

"Once a year, I believe, if not more." Rose frowned as Kanaya's breathing grew labored with sniffing. "Will you be all right if I fetch some supplies? We can at least fight off the symptoms a little."

Kanaya nodded, cringing with the movement.

Rose stood, leaving her hand on Kanaya's arm for as far as she could reach. Now that she was wasn't trying to hide her illness, Kanaya looked miserable. Her eyelids drooped, but Rose suspected she wouldn't actually be able to sleep for a while yet, if their symptoms matched up at all.

Rose took a step towards the door but paused as an old memory flickered. When she was quite young, her mother used to practice a loving gesture that made life just a little more tolerable when sick. In reality it did nothing to alleviate the illness, but she couldn't deny the benefits of a placebo effect.

She turned back just long enough to kiss Kanaya's temple. Kanaya's small sigh of relief was all she needed to confirm the placebo worked on teenagers just as well as toddlers.

Rose tried to keep her pace at a brisk walk on her way to the alchemiter, but the thought of Kanaya suffering alone -- without even the security of knowing what a cold was to reassure her that her body's reactions were normal and wouldn't last forever -- was enough to move her legs into a sprint.

It would take too long to figure out the right combination for every possible symptom reliever Rose remembered using back home, but it didn't take too long to fill her sylladex with tea, throat lozenges, tissues, and fever reducers.

Kanaya was exactly as she'd left her when she returned, perhaps more curled up on herself as she shivered. She wearily sat up before Rose could stop her, so Rose just sighed and sat next to her, passing her the tea first. Kanaya leaned against Rose's shoulder as Rose gave her relevant remedies for the next hour or so. They chatted a little, but Rose kept it to a minimum, knowing too well what Kanaya's sore throat probably felt like.

"Humans suffer through this at least once during each of your Earth years and you have not found anything more effective than these?" Kanaya said, cringing almost as soon as the latest lozenge dissolved, its relieving effects no doubt fading with it.

"I'm afraid so." Rose held out the packet of lozenges all the same, but Kanaya shook her head.

"Is it possible to sleep when human sick?"

"It's quite possible and highly recommended, no less." Rose wished she could have scooped Kanaya up in her arms, but she settled for taking her arm and helping her into the recuperacoon.

"You don't have to stay," Kanaya mumbled, eyes closing as she released Rose's hand and slid into the slime.

"Neither did you."

"You needed me."

"I didn't," Rose said with a small smile, "but I appreciated the company all the same. Correct me if I'm wrong in assuming the same is true for you."

Kanaya was quiet a moment. "It's not wrong."

"Then I'll stay." Rose reached into the slime and caught Kanaya's hand again, running her thumb over it.

Kanaya relaxed, but only for a moment, growing slowly tense again as her shivers grew worse. Sopor slime wasn't as cold as it looked to Rose, but it wasn't any warmer than room temperature either.

Rose frowned. "Does sopor slime produce much heat?"

"Not in particular."

Of course it wouldn't. Why would trolls need it to when their planet was apparently home to a sun so intense it could blind bystanders in seconds? She glanced around, but Kanaya's room was void of blankets -- again, what use would she normally find them?

She could always go fetch some blankets from her room, to hell with the chances of the slime ruining them, but that would take time she'd rather not inflict on Kanaya in isolation.

"Is there room for two?"

Kanaya's eyes opened in startlement. "I... believe there would be, but the thought has never occurred to me to try before."

Rose leaned closer. "May I?"

Kanaya nodded, blushing a little.

With a little maneuvering, Rose slid through the recuperacoon's opening. There wasn't too much elbow room with two occupants, but they didn't need it anyway. Rose wrapped her arms around Kanaya, holding her close and offering as much body heat as she could.

Sleeping upright wasn't an experience she was sure she wanted to make a habit of, but she could tolerate it. The sopor slime gave off a soothing aroma, but she would have dealt with it even if it smelled like gym socks; it still would have been worth Kanaya resting her head against Rose's chest, her chills fading, and looking relaxed for the first time all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesss, I'm slowly but surely breaking through writer's block. No promises or anything, but I would really like to finish this by Christmas.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some references to Terezi and Gamzee's kismesissitude, past Dave/Terezi, and (on the verge of breaking up) pale Karkat/Gamzee in this chapter, but not enough to warrant tagging them. So if you absolutely can't stand those ships, fair warning that I acknowledged them.

The meteor was too damn quiet.

Just as soon as Dave's cold hit the highway, everyone else got stuck in fresh flu traffic jam. The common rooms were empty and his entire chumroll was offline. Even though Rose recovered faster than he did, she was too busy caring for her sick lesbian alien girlfriend to so much as analyze his newest rap for homosexual innuendos -- shit had to be serious if she'd rather grab new tissues from the alchemiter and abscond than wait around long enough to make him uncomfortable first.

He in no way considered himself needy (hell naw, he knew how to entertain himself), but he'd never actually been cut off from all possible forms of communication. When he was back in Houston, he had live message boards to hassle if none of his friends were online, and if the Internet was out, he could hassle his bro or leave the goddamn apartment.

On the meteor, there was just... nobody. He didn't know where Karkat got to after he slunk off earlier trying to hide a cough, he didn't care where Gamzee was, and Rose would kill him if he bugged her and Kanaya. There was Can Town, but the last thing he wanted to worry about was passing the remnants of his cold on to the poor mayor. That awesome little guy was the only individual left on the meteor who'd managed to avoid the flu, other than maybe the juggalo.

Things were a little awkward with Terezi, but they were still bros even if they didn't kiss anymore. There was a chance she wasn't feeling too shit to hang with him a little, he figured, but he could hear her hacking her lungs up a full hall away. She stopped abruptly as he neared and he couldn't hear a sound coming from her room as he rapped his knuckles against the door. She didn't answer.

Okay, maybe things were a _lot_ awkward between them still. No big. He left without bothering to knock again.

He paused a hall away and waited. Sure enough, the hacking started up again, worse than before. Damn, her symptoms must have honed in on coughs, 'cos he sure didn't remember having them so bad. That would have been fucking torture on his throat. Shit, he hoped she didn't have a sore throat too.

Musta been hell, dealing with an alien illness with no one around to even bring over soup. Kanaya was sick, Karkat was sick, Rose was busy... Dave didn't understand shit about "blackrom," but he was fairly sure Terezi's hateboyfriend wasn't going to be stopping by with a bowl of Campbell's unless it was laced with a tablespoon of cayenne.

He hesitated another moment before changing his direction towards the nearest alchemiter. Shit, let's be Nurse Strider. He'd spare her his bedside manners if she didn't want to see his face, but he could at least drop off a few home remedies.

He passed the room with the horn pile and inadvertently found where Karkat had gone when he glanced in. The poor bastard was curled up on there, in full flu throes. He was too busy shivering and keeping his eyes squeezed shut to notice Dave spying on him, but he started to shift when Dave's footsteps faltered.

Dave hurried on. Better to leave him to the care of his weird pseudo-boyfriend.

It took a little fiddling, but in only a few minutes Dave was able to alchemize all the essentials Bro used to feed him when he was ill: A bowl of instant chicken noodle for stabilizing the stomach, a bottle of Gatorade for fighting dehydration, and a package of Jolly Ranchers for soothing sore throats. He captchalogued it all and headed back towards Terezi's room.

He couldn't help glancing in on Karkat as he passed, but nothing had changed, save for the fact Karkat let out a raspy cough.

Okay, so the clown was being kinda slow about that "looking after his pseudo-boyfriend" thing. He probably wouldn't let his bro suffer alone for too much longer. Maybe he got lost in the vents.

Dave forced himself to go on. Karkat wouldn't want his attention anyway.

Not that Terezi seemed to want it either. Her previously near-constant coughs quieted as he neared again and she didn't answer the door. He frowned, but he hadn't really expected much better. Still worth the shot. He left his most recent alchemy projects next to her door and left without a word. At least she'd have the option.

With that done, he had nothing better to do than head back to his room, maybe watch a movie. He took the scenic route, justifying it as killing time and getting exercise; that he could pass by the horn pile again was just a bonus. There wasn't really a reason to go near Karkat again. Whatever Karkat and Gamzee had going on, it wasn't like the blackrom bullshit. They'd look after each other. Seriously, Karkat probably wasn't even there anymore, long since rescued by the juggalo.

Dave checked the horn pile anyway.

Well, fuck. That'd show him for trying to think positive.

He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. "Clown's not coming, is he?"

Karkat unfurled himself just enough to raise a weary head towards Dave. He looked fucking miserable and the circles under his eyes were worse than usual. He flipped Dave off and curled back into the pile, shivering like crazy.

Dave sighed and straightened. "C'mon, bro. This ain't the place to mope."

"Fuck off." For once in his life, Karkat wasn't shouting. His voice was raw and cracked, and he visibly cringed with each syllable.

"Nah." Dave came closer instead. He paused a moment to evaluate his options, then slid one arm under Karkat's knees, the other around his shoulders, and lifted.

One of the horns let out an ear-piercingly loud honk at the movement and Karkat gave him an "Are you fucking serious?" glare of disgust, but the only thing he hadn't counted on was the weight yanking on his shoulders. He stumbled and almost fell into the horn pile, catching them both at the last second.

"The fuck are you doing?" Karkat whispered, looking alarmed as he dug his claws into the front of Dave's shirt for fear of falling.

"Looking after my sick bro, dumbass." Dave adjusted his hold and braced himself for the weight properly before straightening again. How did a tiny son of a bitch like Karkat weigh so much? Fucking aliens.

Karkat grimaced as if he might argue, but he deflated instead. "You owe me anyway." He curled in closer to Dave's body heat, still shivering. "This is your damn fault."

"Yeah, probably." He shifted Karkat's weight again before heading back to the hall.

He could almost walk at a normal speed, so long as Karkat didn't wriggle around like an asshole and throw off his balance. Didn't make the experience pleasant -- his shoulders were probably going to hate him in the morning -- but his muscles could use a challenge anyway.

Karkat glanced around before closing his eyes in a daze. "Where the fuck are we going?"

"My room. Yours is a transportalizer away and, trust me on this, you do _not_ wanna take one of those right now."

"Don't need your fucking charity," Karkat muttered.

"So you can walk? Awesome, my arms are about to die."

Karkat's eyes cracked open. "Are you fucking serious?"

"What, you'd rather I drop you? I'd still let you lean on me, dude, I'm not evil."

"No, but you're a fucking..." He cringed and cut a pained moan short. "You finish that," he said, voice turning hoarse. "You're goddamn wordy enough."

"Think pan-less nookbulge who fondles shame balls all day like a monkeybeast?" Dave suggested.

Karkat rolled his eyes, but muttered, "Keep going."

"Brainless cockbite who chokes chicken all day like an ape?"

Karkat smacked the back of his hand against Dave's chest. It almost stung, so at least he had a little energy left.

Dave smirked. "Stupid wiggler grub baby who throws buckets of infected puke on innocent bystanders like it's meant to be confetti at a birthday party?"

"Better."

"A pathetic pink alien with muscles so laughably weak he can't hope to carry a fleabeast from troll planet, let alone an actual troll? Which is your fault, come to think of it, o' God of the human universe."

Karkat shot him a glare. "I'll fucking walk, bulgesucker."

"Oh hell no." Dave tightened his grip before Karkat could wriggle away. "You're stuck now, dude. Gonna be in my arms an extra hour as I slog down these halls under the strain of my obviously superior alien god's ridiculous weight."

"Strider, you goddamn piece of-" Karkat winced. "Stop making me fucking talk."

"It's possible for you to not talk?"

Karkat opened his mouth but for once seemed to remember that using his throat fucking hurt. He flipped Dave off again.

Dave really should have taken Karkat up on the offer to get out of his damn arms, but it was too late to back out. It took twice as long to reach his room as it should have, but he made it both without needing a break and without dropping any cranky trolls -- save for when he dropped Karkat onto the foot of his bed, but that was on purpose.

Karkat didn't even protest, just curled up and stared at the floor in a sick stupor. Dave piled his pillows near the middle of the mattress and tossed all the sheets and blankets on top of them until he'd made a decent mound. It was no mountainous horn pile, but it was a damn bit softer so he'd call it a win.

No sooner had he finished prepping the pile than Karkat crawled over to it like a fly to a flame and collapsed on top of it. The little shit almost looked cute, all tuckered out and silent for once -- except that the violent shivering took a few cute points right off the top and dropped them straight into heartbreaking territory.

"Gonna be able to sleep, bro?"

"What do you fucking think?" Karkat rasped.

It was tempting to ruffle his hair, but that might have resulted in lost limbs, so Dave settled for laying the back of his hand against Karkat's forehead. Yep, that was a fever all right.

"The fuck are you doing now?" Karkat stared up at Dave's hand.

"Checking how sick you are. Diagnosis: Pretty damn sick." Dave slid his fingers away. "And not like, damn, bro, those are some sick rhymes, but more like, damn, bro, I need to alchemize more shit to treat you with because you're fucking sick."

Karkat grimaced and looked as if he was trying to burrow into the blankets.

Dave backed towards the door. "Be back in five. Don't die on me and shit."

Five was a cautious estimate. It took barely thirty seconds to re-alchemize the soup, Gatorade, and Jolly Rancher health kit (as well as more blankets), since the recipes were fresh on his mind, and it was less than a minute to get back at a decent pace.

Karkat almost looked asleep: his face was buried in the covers and he was mostly still, but he shivered worse than any sleeper would. Without even a greeting, Dave decaptchalogued a pile of five freshly alchemized blankets on top of Karkat.

Karkat let out a startled yelp and thrashed.

Dave lifted the blankets enough to shine some light on Karkat's face. His eyes were wide, but he stopped trying to escape his fabricy confinement.

"Dude. Fucking chill," Dave said. "They're just more blankets. Y'know, since you're shivering like a goddamn sphinx in Antarctica?" He let the blankets drop. "Now you're sandwiched between two piles. That shit's practically troll heaven."

"L... like you'd know shit about trolls." Karkat shifted under the blankets, adjusting them into a better pile.

"Fine, it's a sick person's heaven, regardless of fucking species." Dave patted the spot he guessed was Karkat's back. "Just warn me if you're about to throw up on the sheets so I can grab the bucket instead, aw'right?"

Karkat growled, but the sound cut off as he cringed and let out the most pathetic little " _ow_ ," clearly trying not to aggravate his throat any worse.

Dave sat on the edge of the bed and brought out the Gatorade. For once the "sleeping on a pile" thing seemed reasonable, since Karkat was propped upright and probably wouldn't choke on liquid.

He slipped the bottle under the blankets. "Here. Get some liquid in you. Might work as a band-aid on your throat while we're at it."

"What the fuck is this?"

"Gatorade. Thought you could read, Vantas."

"You know what I meant and you're just trying to torture me into talking more, aren't you?" Karkat said, his voice raising but still far from his normal volume.

Dave rolled his eyes. "It's a sports drink full of vitamins and shit."

Karkat hesitated. "It's yellow."

"Yeah, yellow's the best flavor."

"I am not drinking something from _you_ that's fucking yellow."

Oh my fucking god, not that again. "It is not goddamn piss."

"Then why is it yellow?"

"Food dye, dumbass."

Karkat still shoved the Gatorade out of the blankets with such force that it smacked onto the floor.

There was no way Kanaya was giving Rose as much of a headache. Dave wondered how much bribery it would take to swap wards.

"Okay, dehydrate yourself on top of being sick. Not my problem." Though maybe it was just as well that Karkat didn't take in cold liquids, with how much the blanket pile trembled. Dave took the soup out of his sylladex next, relieved that it was still steaming. "But you're eating every drop of this now." He slid the bowl under the blankets with more care than the lidded beverage.

"Why the fuck."

"Food's good for you probably and shit. Don't question tradition, man."

There was a long pause. "Why is _this_ yellow?"

"I will spoonfeed you myself if you don't start drinking that damn chicken broth." He facepalmed and added, " _Cluckbeast_ broth, okay?"

That seemed to placate Karkat, because he was quiet for a moment and the next thing he said was, "This tastes like woofbeast shit."

"Of course it does. You're sick. Everything tastes like dog shit."

Karkat grunted. After a few minutes of silence, shivers, and a couple of restrained coughs, Karkat pushed an empty bowl out from under the covers. "Thanks, I guess, if you didn't just poison me."

It was tempting -- really, _really_ tempting -- to make some quip about the soup being poison piss, but he really didn't need Karkat any more paranoid than he already was. He just swapped the eating utensils for the Jolly Ranchers in his inventory.

"Suck on these and try to sleep." He shoved the package at Karkat. "Don't got an objection to candy, I fucking hope."

"Shut up, Strider," Karkat said, the words accompanied by the crinkle of plastic wrap ripping open.

Dave moved off the bed and settled by his computer desk. "Only because you need to sleep, Vantas."

Karkat muttered something, but it wasn't worth badgering him to repeat it and start another pointless argument. Those were only fun when both parties had fully functional throats.

Dave stuck his headphones in and turned on his laptop. He tried to give him some solitude, but the blanket pile shivered whenever he glanced over and sometimes Karkat erupted into coughing fits so harsh that Dave could hear them even over his music.

After about three hours, Karkat was quiet long enough that Dave assumed he'd fallen asleep. He spaced off a bit, trying to draw a new SBaHJ and spending most of his time deleting whatever panels he created. He jumped as Karkat broke into another round of coughs. He pulled out a headphone to listen and it sounded painful enough that he felt phantom soreness in his own throat.

He spun in his chair to face the bed. "Vantas, why the hell aren't you asleep?"

"I don't sleep." Karkat's voice was as raw as ever.

"We both know that's a fucking lie."

"It's still _rare_ ," he snapped. "Insomnia doesn't get nicer when it feels colder than a goddamn meal vault in here, Strider."

Dave scowled, but that was actually a decent point. Jesus, how many blankets did he need to alchemize before the shivering would stop? Could he make some kind of heating pad? Fuck that. He was tired and it was time for drastic measures.

He slipped his shades off and set them on the desk before moving to the bed. "Fine, so let's fix the cold problem." He lifted the blankets and slid into the pile-fort.

"What are you..." Karkat wriggled backwards. "Strider, what the _fuck_ are you doing?"

"Getting some shut eye on the mattress that I'm so graciously not kicking you off of." He flopped down a couple inches from Karkat. "Maybe I'll even share some body heat if you want to get a little snuggly. I know it's hard to resist, but house rules insist that all heat sharing stays concentrated above the waist."

"You are not making this any less fucking weird!" Karkat almost shouted, cringing with each syllable.

Dave was too distracted by the Jolly Ranchers packet to reply. "Dude, you only had one of these."

Karkat frowned. "So?"

"So they only help throat pain when you're sucking on them, idiot." Dave unwrapped a watermelon Jolly Rancher and held it to Karkat's mouth. "Look, I'll even pry it out or something and make sure you don't choke if you fall asleep."

Karkat hesitantly accepted it. The constant wince on his face eased a little, but he looked suspicious all the same. "Why the fuck are you doing this?"

"Hey, you looked after me when I was a puke machine," Dave said, unwrapping himself a blue Jolly Rancher. "Just returning the favor here."

"Returning the favor would be dumping me in my respite block and leaving me the fuck alone." Karkat glared. "Do you seriously expect me to believe you're doing this just to be nice?"

"Hey, maybe I feel bad for you." Dave shrugged. "You're a little ball of misery right now, can't even reach your daily quota of screeching and thrashing because a human virus is wrecking havoc on your confused as fuck alien body. Can you really blame me if I pity you?"

Karkat shot him a wide-eyed stare.

Dave frowned. "What?"

"Fucking hell, you're hopeless, Strider," Karkat muttered, lowering his gaze. A shudder worse than usual overtook him.

"C'mon, bro. What's a little dignity for warmth?"

"I'd rather die a goddamn popsicle."

"I'll let you use the cape as an extra blanket." He pulled the cape over and waved it enticingly. "You know you can't resist the cape. It's practically a Karkat magnet."

Karkat narrowed his eyes. "Must be, considering you're a Karkat repellant."

Dave faked a pained expression. "Words hurt, you know."

Another violent shiver ran over Karkat. "No one ever hears of this?" he said, voice strained.

"On pain of reading every smutty troll novel you can throw at me."

Karkat inched closer. The instant they made contact, his limbs practically snapped around Dave, clinging desperately to his heat with more ferocity than Dave had planned on. He almost told him to lay off a little, except the shivering lessened within seconds. He tossed his cape over Karkat instead.

Even with the trembles fading, the road to sleep was still covered in cold symptom potholes. Karkat coughed so hard that whatever was left of his Jolly Rancher went flying, lost forever in the folds of blankets. Dave had a fresh piece of candy ready as soon as the coughing fit calmed.

By some sort of miracle, Karkat finally slipped into unconsciousness after two hours and eleven Jolly Ranchers. With a cringe, Dave slipped a finger into Karkat's mouth to fish out the remaining Jolly Rancher before he could swallow it in his sleep. He flicked it away and quickly wiped his fingers off on Karkat's shirt.

That was when it occurred to him that he ought to be more uncomfortable with sleeping snuggled against his best alien bro and reaching into his mouth and shit.

No matter how he tried to ironically spin it, it... sorta felt gay. He had to spin it in a sincere way (he legit felt bad for Karkat and wanted him to stop shivering) before the gay dissipated. Goddammit, too late, he was calculating Karkat's dating qualities whether he wanted to or not. That relationship would be a giant mess, too much shouting, not compatible, no way in hell, even if Karkat was kinda hot when he thought about it- wait, what, no.

They were bros. All musing of potential relationship scenarios was done for sheer irony, especially when they had their arms wrapped around each other. He just cared about Karkat enough to sacrifice time, energy, and personal dignity to help him feel better (and thought he was hot).

Ffffuck. Was this rebounding from Terezi? Fuck that, he must have been more tired than he realized. These cuddles were platonic as hell and not even Rose's psychoanalysis could tell him otherwise.

Yeah, he could stick to that story for as long as they had to share a bed. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to stare at Karkat's (platonically) cute face, but the only thing that completely sent that train of thought off its tracks was slipping into sleep.

He woke to pained whines in his ear.

"Vantas?" he mumbled before he even got his eyes open.

Karkat's face was scrunched up and buried against Dave's cape, which he'd somehow managed to tangle to the point he was both wrapped up and lying on top of it.

"Hey, go back to sleep, okay?" Dave whispered.

Karkat shook his head and clutched at his abdomen. "My stomach fucking hurts."

"Sorry to hear that, dude." Dave rubbed along Karkat's shoulder. "D'you want me to try and figure out how to alchemize some 7-Up?"

"Don't go," Karkat said, voice weak.

Dave frowned. Stomach pain was definitely not a symptom he remembered suffering and he didn't think Rose had either. Was it unrelated? Did he eat too many Jolly Ranchers? Wait, fuck, unless-

Karkat convulsed. There went the half-digested chicken soup, aimed so perfectly at the cape that it didn't even splatter onto the sheets.

At least that would make cleanup easier. (At least he wasn't doubled over in stomach pain anymore.)

Dave cringed all the same. "Goddammit, Vantas. Always with the fucking cape."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, this chapter was longer than I planned. The final chapter is almost done (just needs a coat of polish and some beta reader feedback), so unless my Internet goes down or something, it should be posted within a week.


	6. Chapter 6

Dave didn't actually see when Karkat got better. All he knew was that, two days later, he went to sleep with a troll nestled against his chest and he woke up alone. His cape was gone too, but he really didn't give a shit if Karkat wanted to take a smelly, stained souvenir for whatever screwed up alien reason.

He was kinda gonna miss having constant company from his grumpy alien bro, even if they spent half their time treating a fever. At least the cold had made its way out of everyone else's system too and the meteor didn't feel like a goddamn ghost town anymore.

He bumped into Terezi at the transportalizer on his way to the main common area for shit coffee. She was wearing her dragon cape again, the hood pulled down well over her face, as had been the norm for a while.

"Hey, coolkid," she said as she stepped off the transportalizer, her voice a little raw.

He stepped aside for her to pass. "Sup, Terezi."

At first it looked like she was going to just pass by without another word, then she stopped and cleared her throat. "Thanks for the soup."

"Well it was our disease you caught and all."

A smirk grew on her face and she shrugged. "It wasn't that bad." She coughed lightly into her hand. As if in response, a much heavier cough echoed in the vents. Her smile widened. "I got to pass it on."

She cackled softly as she left and he watched after with a frown. Kismesissitude was fuckin' weird.

He stepped on the transportalizer, still savoring the privilege of teleporting without the side effects of nausea, and found Rose and Kanaya were already in the common room. Coffee and company, hell yes.

He paused before he could call out a greeting. Rose and Kanaya were snuggled up against each other on the couch, whispering into each other's ears and trading soft kisses.

More like coffee and a show then.

Seriously, go them for finally growing shameless about it, but holy fuckballs did he feel awkward. Was he supposed to just ignore them? Was he supposed to throw them a fucking party? Was he supposed to stare and get off on the lesbian smooches? _Fuck. No. Shit. Goddammit. Why the FUCK, brain?_ He cringed and hoped Rose hadn't developed telepathy for his Freudian slips.

He made a point not to glance their way as he got coffee. It was tempting to retreat back to his room, but he was fucking socially starved and would take whatever interaction he could get, even if it was eavesdropping on their sweet nothings as he tried to finish a rap that had been sitting in his notebook for over a week.

He flopped into an armchair -- he didn't know why the hell Rose had furnished the place as if it was a fancy mansion, but at least shit was comfy -- and got to doodling in the margins of his notebook instead of working on his lyrics. He half-expected Rose to turn to business when she noticed the three of them were being utterly unproductive, but she was far more interested in her girlfriend. And a bottle of booze, he noted when he took another quick glance their direction, though she wasn't slurring yet.

He was halfway through his mug when the transportalizer activated and Karkat stepped into the room. Karkat bristled at the sight of Dave and stomped over. "Strider."

Dave raised an eyebrow. "Vantas."

Karkat decaptchalogued a crumpled bundle of red fabric and held it out. "I washed your stupid fucking cape."

Gross. "Eh, I'm good, you can keep it."

Karkat glared and Dave waited for the inevitable bitchfit. Instead of shouting, Karkat leapt forward and wrenched the hood over Dave's head. _Backwards_ , the son of a bitch. The cape lay over his front and dark red fabric blocked his vision.

"K'rkat, wh't th' _shi'_?" he said, his voice muffled.

"We need to talk, nooklicker." Karkat loosened his hold on the hood and a weight that felt suspiciously like Karkat's legs settled on Dave's lap.

Dave pulled the hood free, but he couldn't straighten the cape out because Karkat sat crosslegged on it, his face less than a foot from Dave's. "About what? Personal space boundaries?" Dave yanked on the cape to no avail; it didn't budge an inch and neither did Karkat.

"I know you're not really that much of a closed-minded asshole, Dave." Karkat rolled his eyes, sounding exasperated. "If you're still a goddamn wimp about quadrants, it's probably because your pathetic excuse for a human think pan literally can't handle it."

"Oh, holy fuck, let's _not_ with the shipping grids-"

"Let me fucking talk, bulgemunch! I've put too much thought into this for you to fucking interrupt me!" Karkat leaned forward, his glare intense. "My point is, whether you can help it or not, _clearly_ you're not budging on your weird alien concepts of romance and _someone_ has to learn to be fucking flexible here. So fine." He threw his hands up in exasperation. " _You win_ , Strider. Let's do this disturbing mash-up of quadrants you call human romance."

"What."

Karkat glowered. "Don't even _try_ to deny your flirting these past few days. That was pretty damn blatant even by human standards."

"You were sick!" Dave said. Hell no was he crushing on Karkat. Hell no was the insufferable bastard _ever learning_ that he was maybe barely sort of crushing on him. "What was I supposed to do, take care of you with a pair of tongs to make sure we didn't swap cooties?"

"Maybe, if the only other option was to fling yourself on me like a desperate nooklicker!"

"Do you get your kicks out of overthinking everything? I was just trying to look after my sick alien bro like anyone would." Dave looked desperately to his sister, who had paused her lesbian makeouts to play audience to their spat. "Rose, help me out here."

Karkat shot a finger at Dave's face and, before Rose could respond, shouted, "He made me share his bed!"

She raised an eyebrow.

"He was running a fever." Dave sank into his chair. "You would have done the same, don't even deny."

"Why yes," a cruel smile played across her face and she leaned against Kanaya, "I too did in fact trade body heat with my feverish _matesprit_."

Kanaya blushed but wrapped an arm around Rose's shoulders.

"Perverts, the lot of you," Dave muttered.

Karkat's glare grew triumphant. "Any other bullshit you want to spew? Should I have brought some fucking popcorn for the saga of bullshit you're about to invent off the top of your head?"

Dave scowled. "Well, if you didn't bring enough for everyone, we should probably finish this in private so we don't taunt the audience."

Karkat hesitated, looking suspicious, but he finally slid off Dave's lap and backed towards the transportalizer without taking his eyes off Dave. Dave straightened his cape and followed. As soon as they were both in an empty hallway, Karkat spun on him and stood so close that Dave nearly had to back into a wall to regain any personal space.

" _Well_?" Karkat said.

"Look," Dave said, still grasping for words and under-prepared for the conversation despite its brief deferment, "before you get any ideas, I did not fucking know I was hot for you when I suggested sharing body heat, okay?"

Karkat's eyes narrowed. "But you _are_ 'hot for' me."

"I didn't say that," Dave said, racking his brain for ways to backpedal.

"You implied it, moron."

"Dude, I know you like to find ways to lord your superiority over us puny humans, but don't go trying to make up fake blackmail material."

Karkat ground his palm against the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache. "Strider," he growled, "what part of 'I fucking reciprocate for some godawful reason that I will never understand' do you not get?"

"I- What?" Smooth, Strider. Dave straightened in a belated attempt at confidence. "Well, obviously you do. Who the fuck wouldn't?"

"We'd be here until we reached the new session if you made me list them all." Karkat rolled his eyes. "But I'm not on that list."

"Oh," Dave said. He should probably say more than that. "Cool."

"Yeah." Karkat snorted. "So can we do this thing or not?"

"Is that line straight from one of your romance novels?" Dave fanned himself with a hand. "I'm swooning over here."

"Shut up and answer the question."

Dave frowned. "It could get awkward."

"Too late for that."

"Yeah, probably." Dave tilted his head. "So, what. You want to be human-style boyfriends? You're actually okay with that?"

"You know what?" Karkat looked Dave over. "Yeah, I can be fucking okay with that. If I'm willing to date a goddamn alien, I'm already throwing romantic tradition five miles out the window. Might as well go all the way." He shrugged then suddenly looked timid as he added, "Do _you_ want to be human-style boyfriends?"

"I could go for that."

"Okay," Karkat mumbled. He fidgeted and actually went quiet. It was about damn time he took his turn being tongue-tied.

"Now what?" Dave said when Karkat just stared at him in silence for a few seconds too long.

Karkat scowled. "What the hell do you mean?"

"Well," Dave shrugged, "things are still kinda awkward."

"I don't know, you could fucking hold my hand or kiss me or something. What do human-style boyfriends do?" Karkat held his hands up in exasperation. "I might rethink this if all it involves is shuffling feet and acting bashful like a couple of fucking wigglers."

"Fine. One first kiss, comin' up." Dave leaned in for a quick peck on the lips, nothing more, but just as they made contact, the vents directly behind him let out a horrendous honk. Dave jumped and lost his footing, falling forward into Karkat. His arms apparently quicker on the uptake than his clumsyass feet, his hand wrapped around the back of Karkat's head to protect him from slamming into the wall, which resulted in a much longer, deeper kiss than either of them were probably planning on.

Karkat's eyes were huge, but he didn't move to push Dave away.

Dave paused for air, his chest thudding far faster than he'd ever admit. "Meant to do that," he muttered, his mouth still inches from Karkat's.

Karkat rolled his eyes and lunged forward, pulling Dave back into a kiss -- intentionally intimate this time.

Dave made note not to challenge a troll to a match of "who can hold their breath the longest?" as he had to force the kiss apart for a second time. Those kisses expended too much energy to get enough air through just the nose. "O... okay, you win. This boyfriends thing might have been one of your better ideas," he said, almost gasping for breath.

"No fucking kidding. Didn't know I could pity you _and_ enjoy watching you squirm." Karkat's mouth sloped into an almost-smirk, probably the closest Dave had ever seen to him smiling.

Like hell he could stop after seeing that, but as Dave moved in for a third kiss, the vents made another noise: sneezing.

Dave snorted and held a hand across his face. Karkat just quirked an eyebrow at first, but he pulled back with an embarrassed frown as the sneezing went on another few seconds -- it was _really_ too fucking close to just go back to putting on a show.

Dave cleared his throat. "So, uh. Movies, makeouts, my room?"

"That sounds... Yeah, I'm down with that."

Dave led the way and Karkat snatched his hand, clutching it until they reached Dave's room. Neither had to consult with the other to know that the next step was to climb onto the bed and lean against each other as Dave pulled his laptop over to play the first movie neither balked at.

It felt kind of weird, considering a week ago he'd never have even contemplated anything beyond platonic broship with him, but cuddling was about ten times better when neither party was miserable and ill. Once or twice, he thought he caught a glimpse of Karkat actually smiling, but it was gone so fast that it might as well have been his imagination.

Neither of them really paid attention to the movie, but Dave was better at pretending. (Then again, he kind of cheated by virtue of hiding the direction of his eyes under shades.) Karkat kept adjusting how he leaned against Dave, kissing his jaw and butting him lightly with the side of a horn if Dave didn't return the affection fast enough.

He rested his head against Dave's shoulder and outright stared at him. "Can I take off your sunglasses?"

"Why the hell not?" Dave asked, rubbing Karkat's back.

Karkat's nose wrinkled. "You punched me last time, you fucker!"

Oh, right. "That doesn't count. I was sick."

"Jegus, you never run out of bullshit." Karkat slipped off Dave's shades and stared into his eyes with an odd expression. He leaned in for a soft kiss without breaking eye contact.

"Did I just wander into an eye fetish?" Dave said as the kiss broke.

Karkat groaned and set Dave's shades on the nightstand. "Fucking hell, no. Shut up and put your goddamn arms around me."

"So fucking bossy, Vantas," Dave said, smirking as he obeyed.

"Get used to it, Strider." Karkat snuggled against his chest.

Dave rested his chin against the top of Karkat's head. "Thought that was the plan."

Karkat's mouth twitched into an honest to god smile. "Damn right it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! :D Thanks for reading my first multi-chaptered fic (double thanks for leaving kudos and comments, aaah, you're all too nice) and I hope you enjoyed it! I'm over on Tumblr at [turntechgodoka.tumblr.com](http://turntechgodoka.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to say hi.


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